Meet the Mother

Meeting the mother within. When did you first feel your inner mother? Was is when you were a little girl caring for yourself or others? Was it when you first had that inkling to become a mother? Or was it when you first met your baby?

How did the mother within you change as you changed?

For me, when I saw my babe I felt in awe of how much I did. not. know. I saw those eyes still holding that endless reflection of the universe from which she had just passed through. And I felt like a child again filled with wonder and amazement…and doubt.

During those first few weeks and months together I would just look at her and wonder where did she come from? She was so different from me, how could I have produced someone so unique, so peculiar. I delighted in getting to know her, watching how she moved in the world and I learned what is was like to experience the world the first time through her. I got to grow as she grew. I had my own developmental stages as a new mother just as she had hers as a baby. We were on a journey together and it felt like she was my sherpa and not the other way around. She humbled me, she allowed me to be as soft as my belly now was. I remember how my skin felt new just like hers, how it glowed, I felt like my body had been reborn. I could relearn how to be myself. I could be vulnerable and soft and silly. I could lay down my perfectionism, the walls around my heart and I could play with her. I could love with her. And in those sweet, tender days full of newness I too needed to be held. I needed to be fed. I needed to be cared for in a way that is not afforded to you as an adult. I needed sisters, wise women, mothers who had done this before to stroke my hair and make me tea and warm food. And I wept a lot. I cried so deeply I emptied myself. I felt the unspoken loss of sisterhood, community, the village.

It’s been six years since that time and I am still in search of my village. It is with this vision in mind that I offer my heart, my presence, my experience. I am looking for others to join my village as sisters, mothers, wise women may we care for each other and our dreams for the future <3